Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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