She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
