we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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