My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i have two assholes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
