This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dick very happy bro
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
