you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
