just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
