I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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