guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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