I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are we still banned from the library?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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