i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
