Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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