At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
