My nipple is on Facebook.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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