im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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