just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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