OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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