Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
