who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
