you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
