This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
