I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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