Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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