Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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