OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
