We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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