Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
