So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
