I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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