i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
