how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
