He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
