so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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