umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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