brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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