glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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