Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We have so much sex to catch up on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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