it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
