Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
not ubering you a puppy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
