when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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