You're my little dorito
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
