I CAN MOONWALK!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
