Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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