Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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