I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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