Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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