You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
