I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
