Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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