are you still at the devil's house?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
