What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
