I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
