Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
