he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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