I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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