You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
